Tonight something very profound happened to me. This isn’t to say that I am any better than anyone or that I had a moment that was more enlightening than anyone in the world. Today I learned that no matter how hard we try, whoever we are, at some point in time, the world will turn topsy turvy on us and nothing will make sense for some amount of time. This shouldn’t be a grim thing, this should be an amazing thing, not to say you won’t at some point feel like absolute POOP, but it’s all part of the deal. In prefacing my statements with all of this I would like to say one last thing; I in no way want to sound stuck up, snotty, full of myself, or for that matter, negative: I think this is about discovery.
I usually maintain a pretty good equanimity about myself and my actions, I am usually able to comfort others in anger or other emotions, and I feel like I lead a good life and I try to view the good things in life [versus the bad things]. Tonight however, I was made to feel helpless, something inside me snapped and I broke down. I felt like I wanted to curl into a ball and just go to sleep for a week and then come out to check the water if it was safe to come out. I was at a loss, what would happen when I broke down and felt all these bad emotions? What would happen when I could no longer console, who would console me? That’s when I realized that it doesn’t matter, whatever we do, we can always just keep doing what makes us feel good about ourselves and we can keep doing what makes us feel like we do make a difference.
For me, going to New Orleans is something profound, it is something that gives me a sense of purpose and a sense of fulfillment. Realizing that I now know that it doesn’t matter how broken I am or how I don’t know what will happen in the future; the fact that I stay with my morals and ideas is all that matters. I will always be the driving forces in my own life and I control what I want to do.
Sincerely, David John Chrobuck
**caps are editing
When I read your blog, I definetely got what you were syaing about sometimes we just break down and “have a moment” and how we need to focus on the good side of life. This past week was the first week of school and after realizing what a challenge this year would be for me I was doing homework and I litterally broke down crying for some reason. Maybe its just the “moodiness” girls often get, or maybe its the fact that the start of school is really getting to me. I am like most kids. I dred the start of school. Don’t get me wrong, I love to learn, and I love school, but after a while your system whipes out and your get sick of it. The begginning week of school really got to me, but I really need ot focus on the good side of school. You get to learn interesting things. You get to challenge yourself. You get to improve in your ability to handle multiple tasks. Speaking of which I should probably go work on my homework. For anybody who is reading, thanks for reading, but bloging is more of a theraputic thing for me rather than a ‘tell everybody what I am thinking/doing’ sort of thing.
Colleen